Meathippies guide to start eating meat again(for vegan).

Vegan mentality is still going strong with numbers growing all the time. Media influence and the urge to be a better person is transforming healthy thinking people into slaves of the greenhouses faster then Megatron turns itself into a car. Even on a faster rate appear “being a better person because I’m a vegan” posts on social media. Though these people don’t seem to understand, that they eat shit aswell. I’ve once worked under a manager in a vineyard who doesn’t drink wine produced from the grapes, because he knows how much shit he’s spraying on the vines. And you can’t even be working on the same field when the harshest cemicals are lightly poured over the fruit we all seem to like so much.

 

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I am a positive thinker. That’s why I think veganism is like a fashion trend, it comes and goes. Unfortunately it then comes again.  But in the mean time vegans need to start wearing those turtlenecks once again, start munching on some prime rib and wash it down with a “Jack motherfucking Daniels god dammit” and beef blood shot. Which is as manly as one can go by the way. But where to start? No problems, I’ve got it covered. Here’s a guide of how to once again, get connected with your carnivourous side.

 

Stop being a f*cking wanker.

This is probably the easiest things to remember, but the hardest thing to achieve. Stop being a media influenced pussy who lets him/herself be thrown around by other peoples thoughts and point of views. And stop sharing that on social media. You will be surprised how quickly people start thinking that you might be normal after all. And that takes us to our next point:

 

Stop watching animal abuse videos.

We have all seen them and they are horrible. It is not all like that. There are tons of farmers who are working their ass off to provide the animals the care they need.

 

Find youself a proper farmer who nurtures his animals like they were hes own babies.

Belive me, they are out there. Get off your vegan infested ass and find one. Shop bought meat is not the only way to go. Buy yourself a freezer and stock it up with delicious nurtured beef for a year if you want to. Shop bought tomatoes are as bad as shop bought meat.

 

Let an expert do the introduction to meat to you.

As you don’t remember proper meat anymore, its hard to start from zero again. F*cking up a good steak will hurt your feelings and leave a bitter taste in your mouth after munching on a dried up leather belt. Instead, book a cooking with meat class or even better, get in touch with BBQ and grilling experts who are specialised in meats. They know how to cheer you up. Or find me around the world somewhere.

 

Start easy, finish hard.

If you are a hardcore vegan, then seeing and hearing a sizzling steak is probably going to take you on a journey in your head, where the same cow is mooing around through the grass fields full on daisies and butterflies. And suddenly it gets sliced up, blood flying all over the place. That might be too hard on you. Start from eating bugs and work your way up. Frogs and guinea pigs are pretty delicious too.

 

And the end exam is buying yourself a live chicken and butchering it yourself.

This is the end. That will make you a carnivour for good. No turning back from that one. You vegan god is going to abandon you from that point on.

 

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There we go. We have a normally functioning member of the society again. These steps are not that hard. I’m sure you are pretty angry by now, so grab a burger and chill. If you still struggle with the conversion, let me know, and we can figure something out.

Be sure to share this post with all your vegan friends, because all lives matter.

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